


you're gonna need a lot of love

by sonofahurricane



Category: Neoscum (Podcast), Shadowrun
Genre: (kinda?), Alcohol, Angst, F/M, Kissing, M/M, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, So. Much. Kissing., Valentine's Day, neoscum proudly presents: bad cons by dak rambo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 17:51:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14194425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofahurricane/pseuds/sonofahurricane
Summary: but not the kind you're thinking ofDak has a lot of weird con ideas, but Tech's not sure how long he can keep this one up. (Or: four times Dak and Tech proposed to one another in a bar on Valentine's Day, and one time they didn't.)





	you're gonna need a lot of love

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for potatofuzz, who somehow sent me the original idea for this fic and is always there for me in the process of writing these things. I wanted to have this OUT by Valentine's Day but uh I'm not that good so have it at the end of Lent instead. 
> 
> Some more notes:  
> 1) title taken from "Hey Space Cadet (Beast Monster Thing in Space)" by Car Seat Headrest, which is a song that is on literally every NeoScum playlist I have.  
> 2) time in the world of NeoScum is Extremely Fake Always and also nothing I do is or claims to be canon/in any kind of canonical timeline so don't @ me about that but do @ me about other stuff like transitional healthcare in the Shadowrun universe, or about Wise Lesbians.  
> 3) Everyone is still trans whether or not it comes up.  
> 4) https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DURwnUZXkAIoCLV.jpg:large
> 
> Warnings include: LOTS of alcohol use, self-hatred.

0. 

“You’re an actor, right” Dak asked, and Tech just stared at the trucker for a moment. How long had they known each other at this point--a week, two weeks?--and  _ now _ Dak was interested in his non-shadowrunning career? Well, only career. They hadn’t done much in terms of actual  _ shadowrunning _ , taking jobs, but they had hung out a lot, talked about taking jobs, Dak telling Tech the ins and outs of being a shadowrunner and Tech…. Mostly just listening and nodding along and trying not to get lost in Dak’s eyes and the way they wrinkled up at the corners when he smiled. But this was the first time in all that time that Dak had really asked Tech about his life outside of this… bubble they had been in together.

“Uh, yeah- I’m uh. I play a wizard. On a kids’ TV show. Didn’t--haven’t I told you this?” But Tech could tell by the grin on Dak’s face and the way he leaned in that he wasn’t really listening any more. “Why do you need to know?”

“You want to know the best Valentine’s Day con I’ve ever pulled?” 

Just the name of the holiday--the name of the  _ saint _ \--made Tech swallow nervously, but he laughed around the lump in his throat anyway, because if this was anything like any of Dak’s other stories, it was bound to be worth it. “Tell me.”

“It was--gosh, I can’t even remember who I was with, maybe this was back in my Lil Marco days… Anyway, the trick is to go into a bar--really any bar, we can make this work anywhere--and you propose to your partner. Everyone is so  _ thrilled _ , you get free drinks as long as they can keep ‘em coming, and then you wave em off and go out into the street, ‘cause you have to celebrate with your fiance at  _ home _ , right? Except you go to another bar and you do it  _ again _ \--free drinks all night, part two!” 

Tech chuckled as Dak broke down into laughter. “Sounds pretty wild,” he offered. 

“It’s wonderful,” Dak said. “But you need a good buddy, you need an  _ actor, _ right, to pull it off.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence, Dak’s arm over the back of the broken couch they were sitting on, and Tech was distracted enough by the internal struggle to lean into Dak’s warm side or to maintain the distance they had--not an uncomfortable one, but Tech, Tech could have leaned in and maybe it wouldn’t have ruined anything. He hadn’t realized that Dak had been asking him if he wanted in on a gig in his own roundabout way, wouldn’t realize it even as Dak texted him about two weeks later-- _ on Valentine’s Day _ \--asking him to meet up at a bar.

1.

The first bar was quiet, because it was fucking 6 pm and who came out this early except people just getting off of work, but Dak seemed to think it was important to start early and Tech didn’t know any better or have anything better to do, so off he went down to the address that Dak had texted him, slouched in through the door and found Dak already there, two beers at a table in the corner.

The trucker hopped off the stool he was sitting on, grabbed Tech by the arms and pulled him into a kiss on the  _ mouth _ \--and Tech should have known then, too, what exactly was up, but who the fuck knew how many drinks Dak had had, or what weird idiosyncrasies the trucker had picked up in his time on the road, and hey, if that was a second of tongue Dak had slipped into his mouth, what the hell ever. Tech was already distracted and lonely from the number of couples he had seen walking around outside, and Dak got like this sometimes. 

“Hey baby,” Dak breathed when he pulled away, and then he pulled Tech into a hug. “You doin’ okay, buddy? You still on for this?” 

Shit, Dak had noticed he wasn’t doing great, but Tech wasn’t going to ruin Dak’s night by being whiny, so he nodded into Dak’s embrace. “Yeah,” he muttered, “yeah, just didn’t sleep great this week.” He pulled out of the hug and went to sit across from where Dak had been, but Dak grabbed his hand and interlaced their fingers before he could pull fully away, so they sat like that instead, across from one another, their hands intertwined and Dak rubbing small slow circles into the back of Tech’s hand with his thumb. Tech briefly glanced around the room, just in case--in case anyone was looking at them funny, but Dak cleared his throat and brought Tech’s attention back to him.

“No reason to be jumpy, baby,” Dak breathed again, and Tech couldn’t tell what exactly what was making Dak so performative tonight--except that if he  _ was _ performative, wouldn’t he be saying things louder so that more people beyond Tech could hear him? “If you’re not feelin’ well, we don’t have to do this.” 

Tech shook his head, using his free hand to take a sip of the beer that sat in front of him. “No, I’m okay. So what’s up?” 

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Dak said slowly, like he was trying to assess if Tech really  _ was _ okay, and Tech nodded. 

“I know,” Tech added. “And I appreciate you having a job tonight, it’s a good distraction from singleho--” Dak put a finger on Tech’s lips and glanced worriedly around the bar, like suddenly he was panicking, and that’s when it all fell into place. 

“Did you forget? You said you were an actor--”

“Just because I’m an actor doesn’t mean I know exactly when you’ve got some con going--doesn’t mean I agreed to do this--”

“You said you were an actor!” Dak insisted again, and Tech sighed. 

“Yes, I’m an actor, and okay, sure, what the hell, we can do this. I just wish you would--I don’t know, I wish you would have said something at the top. I gotta be ready.”

“”You’re not ready right now?”

“No, I’m not--I just need some time to prepare, okay? You can’t just throw me in--”

“I thought you were an actor--”

“Actors get time to prepare!” 

“So you can’t do it right now?”

“I’ll be honest Dak I’m not even fully sure what “it” is right now! I can--I don’t know, I’m not an improviser okay, just. Can you--”

“You want me to lead on this one?” 

“Yeah, yeah, if you could lead on this one, that would be--that would be great.” Tech’s heart was still hammering in his chest, because  _ what the hell kind of job were they gonna pull right now _ , but Dak was in control again, Tech following his lead, right where they were most comfortable. 

Dak stared at Tech, a furrow forming in between his eyebrows that made Tech’s stomach flutter and he was overcome for just a second with an urge to brush those wrinkles away with his thumb, to tell Dak not to worry, but instead he just met Dak’s eyes with his own semi-panicked ones and breathed shallowly, feeling his heart race in his chest. 

“You need something before we do this?” Dak asked faintly, and from under his jacket he produced a small metal flask, shaking it so Tech could hear faint  _ glug slug _ of liquid inside. “Little liquid courage?”

Tech went to wet his lips, but there was no moisture in his mouth, like he was already hungover. He just shook his head instead. “No, I’m-” he cut himself off as Dak took a swig himself, shivered as whatever was inside the flask hit him, and then he stood up, Tech’s hand still in his, and sank to one knee. Tech’s stomach sank with him, every nerve lighting up as a wave of eyes turned to them. 

“Baby,” Dak said loudly, and it sent a shiver across Tech’s torso. “You’ve made me the happiest man these past three years.”  _ Jesus, three years, fuck, what a long time _ . “There’s really only one way I could be any happier, and it would be if you would agree to stick with me for the rest of time.” Dak produced a small box--from where, Tech had no idea, some pocket on his vest maybe--and Tech could feel a gasp echo from his own lips across the crowd.  _ Shit _ , he had a box and everything ready and Tech had just lumbered in here completely unaware and now people were  _ looking _ , Tech was trembling and his breath was coming in tiny spurts as Dak opened the box. “Would you--” and here Dak cut himself off, and Tech found, to a mixture of confusion and horror, that Dak was  _ crying _ , and that set Tech off fully, crying as Dak tried again, his voice thick and cracking on every other word. “Would you do me the honor--shit--of marrying me?” 

The bar was silent except for the sound of the both of them crying, and it hit Tech suddenly that he had to say yes, he had to say  _ yes _ , and then it came out, “Yes, yes!” and the bar  _ erupted _ , and he was in Dak’s arms, holding on, and the trucker was muttering “you did good buddy, you did good” before they were pulling apart and being  _ rushed _ by other bar patrons, getting pats on the back, white women crying in his face about how beautiful their love was, and Dak was grinning at him, so  _ proud _ , and Tech was still crying and couldn’t stop. The first round came and Tech drained it as fast as he could just to get the taste of salty tears out of his mouth. 

2.

They moved on after an hour, Dak announcing to the entire bar that he had to see “my husband--my fiance, jesus, but he’s gonna be my husband someday!” home safe. They walked two blocks, Dak holding his hand the entire time, and after those two blocks Dak gave him a kiss on the cheek and then let his hand go and laughed deeply, stumbling away from Tech. “You were amazing,” Dak said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “The way you--you cried man, you’re really an amazing actor. I gotta see your TV show some time…” 

“Wha-what?” Tech asked, wiping his own eyes with the back of his hand--his hand that felt cold now that Dak had dropped it.

“The crying! You did an amazing job.” Tech’s chest fluttered, but something in his stomach also twisted. He suddenly felt sick, but Dak--in Dak fashion--seemed not to notice. “Look, we can hit up the next bar together if you want, we don’t have to come separately. It’s just up this block and around the corner.”

Tech lagged, stumbled back for a second. “I-- I need a second. I’ll meet you up there, okay?” He felt dizzy, but not drunk, not tipsy, just dizzy, and he needed some fresh air--a moment away from Dak--something, before he did that again. Dak didn’t leave him immediately, though--he reached out and grabbed Tech’s shoulder. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, and Tech simultaneously wanted to lean into Dak’s touch and shove the trucker away from him. 

“Y--yeah,” Tech stuttered. “Go on ahead. I’ll be right behind you, promise.” Dak’s touch was warming his shoulder under his robes, and Tech couldn’t make himself look into the other man’s face. “I just--I need a second, okay?” 

Dak didn’t remove his hand for a long moment, and Tech studied the dark, cooling cement of the sidewalk underneath his feet, praying that Dak would just let him be. Finally, the hand lifted, the cool of the evening air already sliding to muffle the warmth that had just been there. “Okay,” Dak said gruffly, and Tech didn’t feel any less dizzy. “I’ll meet you there.” Tech waited for the trucker’s heavy steps to shuffle away, taking in a breath with each scuff of a boot-heel scraping against the ground. When he couldn’t hear any more, he lifted his head up to the sky and squinted into the light of the street lamps, a shiver running down his back as he breathed out. 

“Fuck,” he murmured to himself, felt his heart pounding in his chest and the way his tongue felt thick in his mouth. He shivered again. Somehow, Dak Rambo had pulled him into another gig, some kind of con--vaguely, he remembered Dak talking about this con he had pulled, and the memory of that, the thought of Dak doing exactly this but with someone else, made Tech so violently ill for a second he thought he was going to barf. It wasn’t  _ jealousy _ , not exactly, that was making him so dizzy. Maybe it was just Dak Rambo. 

But when he had gone down on one knee, even though Tech knew all the eyes were on them both, it had felt like Dak had been only looking at  _ him _ , like for that split-second he thought Tech was the only man in the world and Tech… Tech had…

Tech shook his head, then started trudging slowly up the street, the sounds of the city far away from him. He felt like sludge, moving along the sidewalk, slithering between the people who had gathered in a small crowd outside the bar Dak had indicated earlier, smoking and eyeing him. 

The second bar had a few more people in it, the low hum of a night just getting started, and Dak, once again, was in a corner, a glass of whiskey on the table in front of him, but this time--something was different with Dak, too. He looked sort of slumped and tired, not scanning the crowd the same as he had been at the first bar. Tech wasn’t sure if it was the light in the bar or not, but he thought he could see bags under Dak’s eyes, and wondered for a moment if the trucker’s adrenaline modulator was busted again. It made Tech a little dizzy again, and he paused across the bar just to watch for a moment as Dak took a sip of his drink, then pulled out his comm and looked through his messages. Was he going to message Tech? Someone else? Regardless, here he was, alone on Valentine’s Day at a bar, and he had asked Tech to come out with him. 

Tech swallowed, hard, then wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before heading over to Dak. The trucker lit up when he saw Tech, but the flash of joy turned to confusion as Tech grabbed him, grabbed his face and kissed him furiously, pouring as much into the kiss as he could manage and still stay upright. The force of it sent Dak backwards, knocking over a chair, and Tech followed him, still kissing him. His mouth tasted vaguely of cinnamon, and the burn of the whiskey, and Tech followed it until Dak’s flailing had stopped and he was kissing Tech back, sliding his tongue into Tech’s mouth as his hands first came to rest on Tech’s shoulders and then slide up and down Tech’s back the way that drove Tech absolutely crazy. 

Somewhere at the back of his mind, Tech could hear the hum get lower, knew eyes were on them, but he didn’t separate from Dak, not yet. He slid a hand up into Dak’s hair, gave a light tug that had Dak moaning softly into their kiss, his eyelashes fluttering against Tech’s face. Tech broke their kiss for a moment, murmured softly against Dak’s lips. “I’m right here, buddy,” then another kiss, and he was sinking slowly to his knees, his hands running down Dak’s body in his wake. He felt the other man shudder under his touch as his hands passed along his thighs, but Tech didn’t pull away this time. 

“I don’t have a ring,” Tech started hoarsely, and the bar was so quiet he could have heard a pin drop, could hear the condensation sliding along beer glasses and the  _ drip _ of a leaky faucet somewhere in the building. Dak was looking down at him, his eyes shadowed by his hat, but Tech could have sworn they looked a little glassy, like Dak was trying not to cry himself. “I don’t have a ring, but baby I hope you don’t mind. I just couldn’t--can’t--wait any more. Will you marry me?” 

Dak’s whole body heaved for a moment, and Tech could feel a flicker of some moisture on his cheek, a tear or sweat or something. Dak kneeled down next to him--Tech could hear a pop in his knees as he did so, and he almost winced in sympathy, but Dak was pulling out the ring box and opening it. “One step ahead of you,” he said, his voice also hoarse, and the bar exploded as they hugged again, Tech pressing another kiss to Dak’s cheek. Dak seemed almost shaky as they parted, and he gripped Tech on the shoulder weakly, leaning against him as the first round of drinks came in. 

“I love you,” Dak said, muttered, really, and Tech wasn’t sure if it was for Tech to hear or everyone else, but he didn’t get the chance to ask or even look at Dak before the trucker was  downing the first round and wiping his face, grabbing Tech’s drink to raise it in a sort of collective toast in the whole bar. 

“Love you too,” Tech whispered, even as Dak was almost lifted up and carried away from him by the crowd. Tech accepted another drink from a stranger, and a clap on the back, and he drank deeply, trying to cleanse the words from his tongue.

3.

They showed up at the third bar together, Dak stumbling and Tech so zoned out--drunk, maybe, but a different kind of drunk than he’d ever been, beyond the maudlin into something else. It was like he was outside of his own body, a little to the left. Dak laughed a little too loud, but his glow also flickered as he sagged into Tech. 

Tech wasn’t sure why they were there, why they hadn’t gone home after the second bar. He had even suggested it--”Want to head home?” so hopefully, wanting to feel Dak’s body against his as he drifted off to sleep--but Dak had charged ahead like he hadn’t even heard Tech, almost running headlong into a wall in his pursuit of the third bar. He had absolutely fallen on his face, scraping up his nose and his cheek, and Tech had hauled him up and here they were, slumping against the wall, Dak giggling and Tech just doing his best to hold up the trucker. He wasn’t sure how he was going to pull off this performance; even the most degrading shit he did on the show didn’t feel this draining. Sure, afterwards, he’d felt like absolute shit, had cried and even puked once or twice, but during the performance he could normally get into a zone where he could focus. This was a whole new level of feeling terrible and hating his life that Tech wasn’t sure he could manage. Fuck. 

Dak was swaying. Water, they could use water and get back up to speed, get rehydrated and then maybe this would be okay. “Dak!” Tech shouted above the din--each bar had gotten louder, gotten rowdier. That made some sense, sure, it was like 11 at night now and people were having fun, something Tech wished he could remember how to do right now. “Dak, I’m gonna get us some water, okay?” 

Dak was glassy-eyed and staring into nothingness, a spot Tech couldn’t seem to see. “Dak! You okay? I’m gonna get us some water!” The trucker didn’t respond, and Tech wondered for a moment if he was really okay, if Dak was dying or something was shorting out in his brain. Leave it to Rambo to go out on a con like this. But this didn’t look much like alcohol poisoning, and as Tech stepped away from Dak, the trucker stayed propped up against the wall for a moment, even though Tech was absolutely ready to catch him if he started to sway. “Okay!” Tech was still shouting, even though he wasn’t sure Dak could hear him at all. “Stay right there!”

Except almost as soon as Tech had turned his back and took two steps away, he heard the crash of something falling heavily to the floor, followed by the shocked gasps of the people around him.  _ Fuck _ . He turned around quickly to see Dak on the ground once more, face down on the sticky floor, unmoving. “Dak!” Tech shouted, shoving people out of his way to get to the side of--what. His partner? Tech didn’t have time to contemplate the nuances of that word, as he scrambled down to Dak’s side and gently moved to turn him over. “Dak!” he shouted again. Fuck, did he have to do mouth to mouth? He didn’t know any first aid, he had never learned first aid, how the hell was he supposed to know if he was supposed to do mouth to mouth here? 

The trucker certainly looked pale, with deep shadows under his eyes. A pulse, a pulse, Tech’s fingers scrabbled around on Dak’s neck looking for a pulse, even though all he could hear was his own heart in his ears. “Help!” he cried out. “Help, somebody! Is there a street doctor in here? We need help!” 

“Do CPR!” some voice from the crowd yelled, and Tech wasn’t about to announce he didn’t  _ know _ CPR, didn’t know how to save the man he walked in with, so he thought back to the medical shows Nana used to watch when he was younger, and he leaned over Dak’s body to do chest compressions, one, two, three, then down to Dak’s mouth. Exhale one breath in, then three more compressions, exhale one breath into Dak’s body--

Hands were suddenly at the back of Tech’s head, pressing his lips down into Dak’s face, and Dak’s tongue was in Tech’s mouth, and Tech was flailing around, trying to wriggle out of whoever’s strong grasp it was that was pinning him down. He couldn’t even hear the bar’s response because he was too busy struggling, but finally the arms released, and Tech came up gasping, once, twice, before looking down into Dak’s glittering cat eyes, a soft, satisfied smile playing across his features. 

“D… Dak?” Tech stuttered, and then the trucker was lifting his head and kissing Tech again. 

“Baby, you’re the only man I want to be with for the rest of my life,” Dak announced, and suddenly there was a ring box in Tech’s face and  _ fuck _ , he was crying again but this time it was because he was pissed. Dak had just--faked some kind of heart attack? And scared the shit out of Tech and Tech couldn’t lose him right now. 

“ _ Fuck _ , Dak,” Tech said through his tears. His nose was running now, and he was shaking his head and for a moment the bar seemed frozen in time, like they were all holding his breath because it looked like he was going to say  _ no _ . Through his tears, Tech could see a flash of panic across Dak’s face, and the trucker’s hand was suddenly on Tech’s hip, rubbing a small circle with his thumb into Tech’s side and  _ fuck _ that was making it worse. Tech wanted to go home. Tech wanted to go home and sleep, preferably with Dak by his side but if not… fuck. 

But there was that thumb, rubbing soft circles into his side, reminding him this was a con, and that he was doing it for Dak, so, still crying, Tech’s head shakes turned slowly to nods. “Y--yes,” he said thickly. “Of course baby, yes, of course, always.” 

Dak leaned up from the floor and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, wiping away his tears with one of his big hands, while the bar erupted into cheers around them. “You’re doin’ great, buddy,” Dak whispered to him, their foreheads pressed together. “You’re doin’ great.”

“‘M tired, Dak,” Tech mumbled. 

“I know baby, I know,” Dak repeated. “We’re almost there.” Carefully, his hand still pressed to Tech’s side, the two of them stood up, just in time to have shot glasses pressed into their hands. “To you, sweet thing,” Dak said loudly, and the entire bar seemed to raise their glasses along with the toast, but Tech could only watch Dak’s soft smile after he downed the shot, the way his eyes crinkled up when he looked at Tech. Tech wasn’t sure that was enough, but he downed his own shot all the same, then raised the empty glass at Dak. 

4.

The fourth bar seemed to blur all together in Tech’s mind. He couldn’t even taste the drink he was drinking, and the claps on the back he received felt muted, like a blast from an air cannon shot from miles away. Dak’s proposal had been something far more traditional, just like bar one, really, but Tech wasn’t wholly sure the bar had bought his “yes;” it had taken them a minute to respond, and he kept catching the worried glances of an elf woman from across the bar. 

Dak had his arm slung around Tech’s middle, periodically running his hand up and down Tech’s side, and that wasn’t helping the churning in Tech’s guts. He took Dak’s hand in his for a brief moment, pulling away to mutter “I gotta piss,” into Dak’s ear, then stumbled towards the back of the bar where he thought he had seen a bathroom. He didn’t glance behind him to see if Dak paid him any mind, because he had to piss, and he didn’t want to be disappointed. 

It went pretty fast--he walked quickly to avoid being overcome by how dizzy he felt (now he definitely was tipsy, if not drunk, but he wasn’t going to worry about that, that was a problem for a later Tech Wizard and feeling dizzy felt better than whatever the panic was that had risen in his chest at the last bar,) and he pissed and washed his hands thoroughly, and was ready to head back to Dak’s side when he almost opened the bathroom door onto that same elf woman, standing there looking nervous next to a human friend of hers. 

“Oh, sorry, uh, sorry,” he stuttered, and moved to close the door behind himself without bumping into her, then went to step out of her way, but she held up her hands to stop him.

“I, uh, don’t know your whole story,” she said slowly, and Tech was having a hard time hearing her over the noise in the bar, over some shout that sounded distinctly like Dak Rambo. “So like I get it, if hearing this makes you pissed or whatever. I just couldn’t watch you sit like that next to him any more and not say anything.”

“What’re you--what’s goin--what’re saying?” Tech tried, and the furrow in her brow seemed to deepen. She was cute--long hair that hung lose around her narrow face, sharp eyes that scanned his face and made him feel  _ seen _ , made him blush as he dropped his eyes to the floor. 

“Whatever’s going on with you and--I guess your fiance?” She gestured back to the bar, and it took Tech way longer than it ought to have to process that she meant  _ Dak _ , that in the eyes of everyone in the bar they were  _ engaged _ now. “I… I just want to say that if you… I dunno.” She exhaled heavily and shook her head. “You look miserable, is all,” she offered. “If you said yes because, I dunno, you think for whatever reason this is the best you can get--that’s not true. There are other guys out there, guys who’ll love you, who won’t make you look like that. I dunno, maybe you really love him, but I remember--I remember that look, when I thought no one loved me and the first woman who expressed interest in me was the best chance I was ever gonna get.” Tech raised his eyes to see her glance nervously at her friend--partner, girlfriend, maybe, he realized, and the girlfriend squeezed her shoulder gently and looked at her with such soft eyes that Tech suddenly felt claustrophobic. 

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” the elf woman said finally. 

Tech didn’t know what to say--he couldn’t even muster up a surge of anger, couldn’t muster up a response of  _ any _ kind, really. He glanced at the soft warm glow of the bar, could hear Dak’s laughter again. “It-- it’s not exactly like that,” Tech started, and then stopped, because he didn't know  _ what  _ it was like, just knew he had to get back out there and stand next to Dak, had to hold Dak up and be held up and then stumble out of here as soon as Dak finished the next two rounds. 

“It’s okay if you’re not ready,” the girlfriend said, and her voice was rough but so kind that Tech teared up, lowering his head so she couldn’t see. “We just wanted to let you know we’re out here, other people are out here.” 

“Y--yeah. Thanks? I gotta…” he nodded towards the light, and they nodded back and stepped out of his way, and Tech stumbled back to Dak’s side, slotting himself next to the trucker. 

“Tech!” Dak said, and Tech couldn’t remember if they had agreed on using their real names or not--not that Tech Wizard was his  _ real _ name, but it made him more recognizable, especially in this city (although how many viewers of  _ Adventures of Nana _ would be at a bar this late, Tech wasn’t sure, and wasn’t sure he wanted to know.) “Felt like you were gone forever! I missed ya.” The trucker’s muscular arm slid back into place around Tech’s waist, and Tech slid his arm around Dak’s middle in turn, pulling the trucker a little closer and reaching up to give Dak a small kiss on the temple. 

“Missed ya too, buddy,” he muttered against Dak’s head.

5.

Tech had tried to get Dak to go home--truly, he had. He had even asked Dak, out right: “I want to go home. Can we go home?” 

Dak had kissed him on the side of the mouth. “One more bar,” he had said, and then kissed him below the ear and along the jaw until Tech’s knees were weak. 

One more bar. Tech could do one more bar. 

Except they had arrived at the last bar together again, gotten into a nice cozy corner--really, Dak had shoved his way through the immense crowd and Tech had followed in his wake, and it felt a little too poetic but also Tech was drunk and tired and just wanted to go home. Dak had put in most of the effort chatting, holding Tech’s hand on the top of the tiny table they had manage to acquire. He was back to rubbing a slow circle into Tech’s knuckle as he chatted away, and for a moment, Tech sank into the moment--the dizziness, the way Dak’s eyes flashed as he told some shadowrunning story that for all Tech knew, he had heard before, the hum of the crowd around them, the warmth of Dak’s hand around his, sticky floor underneath his shoes, the slow circle of Dak’s thumb, round and round and round. 

“What’re you thinkin’ about, baby?” Dak asked loudly, squeezing Tech’s hand, and Tech came back with a soft, lazy smile on his face. 

“I love you,” Tech said, and Dak’s teeth flashed in the dim light of the bar. 

“I love you too,” he said, and then leaned over the table as if to give Tech a kiss, but then--Tech watched Dak’s eyes flash over his head, and the trucker pulled away suddenly, was gone in a flash behind Tech, and TW just stood there blinking at the space where Dak had been.

“Shirley Gusemon???” he heard Dak announce loudly behind him, and Tech Wizard slumped against the table heavily as he heard the orc woman respond with Dak’s name in shock. Tech went limp. Fuck. A woman--a woman Dak  _ knew _ . A woman who Dak knew enough to leave Tech’s side and go after her instead. They had been to--what, four bars just tonight? Innumerable bars since they had met? And Dak hadn’t left Tech’s side the whole time, hadn’t said a woman’s name with that tone, a tone that reminded Tech he was just a loser actor, a  _ wizard _ who no one could love, should love. Dak had left at the first opportunity, of course he did, he had to. The night was over. Tech didn’t have to pretend to get engaged again. He should have felt relieved, but instead he just felt sick, like the weight of all the horrible decisions he and Dak had made tonight came crashing down on him and the superdepression snuck up behind him. 

He was going to throw up. He was going to throw up. Tech could feel his mouth start to fill with saliva, could feel the twist in his gut, and he turned around and bolted for the door, barely making it outside before throwing up all over some orc woman’s shoes, trying to apologize and puke at the same time, his whole body heaving and tears streaming down his face, snot and puke streaming out his nose. “I’m so sorry,” he hiccuped in between heaves, “I’m so sorry,” and somewhere behind him, he could hear Dak shouting his name. “I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating, and he was trying to walk while puking now and it wasn’t working, his robes were a mess, and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath because he was puking and crying now. 

He felt a firm grip on his shoulder, and then Dak was holding him as he puked until there was nothing left in him, until it was just bile, and then all he could do was gag and cry as Dak rubbed his back, up and down, shushing the entire time. “It’s okay, buddy, just breathe,” Dak was saying, but Tech couldn’t breathe, he was so sick and he just wanted to go home.

“Dak, is he alright?” Somehow Tech had missed that the woman Dak knew, whoever she was, was there outside, looking at him, and the thought of being seen made him retch again, but there was nothing else to come out of him, nothing left to expel, so he just gagged and spat and tried to slow down his breathing. 

“He’s fine,” Dak announced, then leaned in close. “You okay Tech buddy?”

Tech couldn’t seem to stop crying, couldn’t get himself together enough to sound like an actual human being. It was like he was out of his body again, or rather, that some part of him had regressed, like he was a little kid again. “I wanna go home,” he said, trying to keep the whine out of his voice, trying to look like an adult, but he felt so sick and he was covered in puke. “I wanna go home.” 

“Okay buddy, Dak’ll take you home,” Dak whispered, then turned to the orc woman. “I’m gonna take him home,” he repeated, then slipped into a conspiratorial--and yet fully audible--whisper. “Are you--are you gonna be out later?”

“Uh, why don’t you take care of him,” the woman suggested, and Tech wished he could stop crying so he could start again. “I’ll send you a comm message later, okay?” She came in closer, Tech cowering as she leaned in and kissed Dak sweetly on the cheek. “I hope you--feel better?” she said to Tech, and Tech flashed a thumbs up between his tears because he didn’t know what else to  _ do _ . 

“Have a good night, Shirley,” Dak said, and it had been ages since Tech had heard that kind of sincerity out of Dak’s mouth, and his gut wrenched but was truly honesty to god empty. “Tech, you still with me, buddy?” Tech whimpered. “Let’s go, buddy. We can head back to my place. Can you walk? Come on.” He supported Tech’s weight, despite Tech being covered partially in vomit, and Tech leaned into him, still crying. The walk back to Dak’s place--blessedly close, almost like Dak had planned it this way--was devoid of any conversation, just Dak gently shushing Tech as they stumbled-shuffled their way through the broken door and up the stairs to Dak’s apartment.

“We’re gonna put you in the shower. Is that okay? Just let the water clean you up real nice,” Dak said as he led Tech into the bathroom with its chipped and broken tiling that had become so familiar to Tech in the last few weeks. Dak lowered Tech to sit on top of the toilet seat, then went to work on the shower, twisting one of the knobs until it came off and water started flowing--a kind of spurt, at first, but then more consistently. “There we go,” Dak said, then turned to Tech. “You with me buddy?” Tech had finally stopped crying, and just sat on the toilet seat, staring at the chipped porcelain of the sink. He nodded slowly. “Come on, we’re gonna get you in the shower and then into bed. That sound good?” When Tech didn’t answer, Dak bent over to hoist him up, his knees popping loudly as he did so. Dak grunted, lifting Tech gently into the shower and getting sprayed a little bit himself. 

“There we go,” Dak said as the water started hitting Tech’s robes, and he suddenly felt about 80 pounds heavier. “We’ll let the water wash some of that way, then you can peel it off and we’ll get you washed up. We’ll hang your robes up to dry. Is that okay?” Tech could barely hear him, was too busy feeling the way the water was hitting his front and how it was pooling in his shoes--because of course Dak hadn’t thought to take him out of his shoes. He hadn’t thought about it either, but it was too late now, and they were absolutely soaked. At least they weren’t covered in puke any more. “Tech?” Dak asked again, wiped water from Tech’s face, and Tech leaned into his touch just a little. “I’m gonna take your robes off. Do you want the light off?” 

“Yeah.” Tech’s voice was rough from the amount of puking and crying he’d just done, and the word came out more like a whisper, but Dak seemed to hear him, because the light went off and Tech sagged a little, moving his head so it was directly under the spray.

“I’m coming back over,” Dak announced. “I’m gonna help you take your robes off. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah,” Tech said again, and the darkness seemed to give him some strength, so he was more useful as Dak started to peel his clothes off him. “Do you have soap? I feel… gross.”

“I have shampoo that you can put in your hair and use the suds as soap,” Dak said. 

“That works, I guess,” Tech responded. He heard Dak making noises outside of the shower and shut his eyes again. 

“Found it!” Dak announced. “Do you want me to wash your hair?”

“No, I’m--I got it,” Tech said, reaching a hand out, and felt Dak put the bottle in his hand. “Thank you,” he said softly.

“Oh it’s no problem for my ole buddy Tech Whiz,” Dak said. “I’m gonna go rustle you up a towel, okay? Take your time.” 

“Thanks, Dak.” Tech squeezed out some of the shampoo into his hands and started to wash his hair, briefly wishing he had asked Dak to stay and help him, but then he heard Dak’s comm buzz somewhere in the bathroom--he had left it on the sink, maybe--and he squeezed his closed eyes tight and started to scrub vigorously, using the suds to wash the rest of his body without thinking too hard about it. Thank fuck for whiskey dick, because that meant he didn’t have to worry about the robo hog at all, which was good but also made him feel a little sick. After he managed to use the shampoo to wash--”wash”--most of his body, he just stood under the spray of the showerhead and listened to the water pounding inside his head. The spray had started off fairly strong, but standing underneath it, he could feel it getting weaker, and colder, so he reached for the knob--only to grasp at nothing and remember that Dak had twisted it off. This was why using the shower at other people’s houses was the worst. 

“Dak?” he called. “How do you turn off the water? The knob’s busted.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” came Dak’s voice, coming closer as he crossed the apartment. “It’ll turn off on its own in a few minutes. You need that towel now?” He was back in the bathroom, it sounded like, and Tech stepped out of the shower carefully, moving the shoes he had taken off when he’d gone to wash his legs. “Here you go,” Dak started to wrap him up in an immense terry cloth towel, then held him close to start to dry him off. Tech had moved away from feeling sick back to feeling pleasantly foggy, and he leaned into Dak’s touch once again, pressing his face into Dak’s shoulder. “Here you go, baby boy,” Dak repeated. “Come on, gotta get that hair dry. 

Somewhere in the back of Tech’s mind, he could remember someone drying his hair, a long time ago--whether it was his father or his nana, he wasn’t sure, didn’t care to remember, just let Dak’s strong hands dry him off while the trucker hummed a tune Tech couldn’t totally recognize under his breath. Now that he was clean, he was starting to feel the exhaustion settle in, making his bones almost ache. He leaned over to continue to use Dak to hold himself up as the trucker dried off his lower half efficiently, kissing Tech’s stomach on his way back up. 

“All set!” Dak announced. “Your clothes are drying, so I figured we could wrap you up in a sheet and let you sleep. Is that okay?” His comm vibrated on the sink again, and Dak’s eyes flashed to it, but he didn’t pick it up right away, instead slinging an arm around Tech’s shoulders and walking him back to the mattress on the floor where Tech had spent the night before. “There you go buddy,” he said, sitting down on the mattress while Tech practically collapsed on it, his entire world spinning pleasantly even as the threat of a headache loomed at the back of his mind. “Come on, let’s get you covered up so you don’t freeze.” Dak pulled the sheet up over Tech’s body, smoothed back Tech’s hair from his face, then, after a moment of hesitation, bent over and kissed Tech on the forehead. “You good?” he asked, and Tech could hear the buzz of the comm again in Dak’s pocket. 

Whether it was that knowledge--that Dak wanted to get out of here--or just still feeling sick and exhausted, Tech’s next words felt like they were blurted out by someone else: “Can you--can you stay with me? Just for a little bit. Just until I fall asleep.” 

Again, that moment of hesitation, but then there was Dak settling against the mattress so his back was against the wall, his hand coming to rest at the top of Tech’s head, thumb making circles against Tech’s temple. “I’m here, baby boy,” Dak whispered in the dark, and the warmth of his hand against Tech’s scalp soothed Tech, who licked his lips and let his body sink slowly into the broken mattress. “I’m here.” 

He was here. Dak was  _ here _ with Tech, had stayed because Tech asked, even as the hand not resting on Tech’s body slipped into his pocket and pulled out his comm. Tech closed his eyes against the light of it, focused on smelling Dak--oil and grease and somewhat pungent, but not unpleasant--and the warmth of the trucker’s thigh against his arm. 

It didn’t matter whether Dak was here in the morning. What mattered was that he was here now, his hand in Tech’s hair, his soft, deep breaths whistling in the air. They weren’t engaged, wouldn’t ever be engaged--but he was here. 

Tech dozed off to the soft circle of Dak’s thumb against his face and the drip-drip of his robes drying in the next room, his fist curled loosely around Dak’s pant leg, the tension of the night draining from his face. 


End file.
